Even wid a crowd nowadays im alone....
I keep asking questions to me "WHY? what is disturbing you? what else do u want? are you not happy with things?"
but i get no answers....
I have screamewd on myself ..."Why the hell you dont utter anything?..." have been trying it for sometime but something tells me this wont work! :(
I tried introspection but i didnt let me survey my thought patterns..... my inner self threw me out of the gate before i could fill the questionnaire..
I m not able to look beyond things.... everything has a sheer opaqueness.... and believe me the curtain is quite heavy to lift. I have tried it myself and taken help of my friends but it falls back again....hiding everything ...it remains like a wall that i havnt been able to break!
I donno how to help myself ... can u help? can u take off this curtain or can u tell my soul to share things with me! can you? would u?
I feel like quitting everything .
Bcoz i donno one thing which is not going fine and still i donno what can give me happiness....if everything is alright then whats happening to me.
But the fact is that in the past one year there was not a single moment when i thought that im happy with what i have and whatever i am.
I am not happy with myself....
I m not feeling good ! ("everytime i say this, i tell myself to shut up but still i say it again..... my innerself forces me!" )
Something in me is missing ...WHAT IS IT !!
I donno y but im scared of life ..
Life has suddenly bcome very huge to handle ...
It was only yesterday that i was happy and i knew what will i do today, tomorrow, the next week and the next year...but now... my inner self has stopped reporting to me! He is trying to surpass me ... May be he wants to quit!
So! i feel like quitting? but quit what ?? LIFE!! i cant....i wont!
I m doing the best of work possible as i have never ever raised my expectations with myself.... but something in me says ...what the hell are you doing.?
Is this what you do to be happy? you stink...!
people tell me why dont u change the job? but i am not unhappy with it (well...even if they dont pay me so well... im fine with it).
Then quit what....??
I wanna change something but what and most importantly WHY?
do i like my wrk?
hmmmmm...no!
do i not like my work ? a bigger NO!
then what is it .... i want the answer but who can answer it... its only ME but how????
I wish some angel would appear and tell me what my problem is....
People suggest..... you should focus yourself. But focus where?
and i also donno a single thing which will giving me happiness
i donno what to do....
People say.... do an MBA! do MS!
but is this what it takes for me to be happy? "NO!"
Then what??
One of my friends said the golden words.....
"the problem is U donot have a problem "
I said "Its gr8 to know that i dont have a problem but then what is the problem?"
I am still waiting for an answer...
GOD....show me the light!
My life is standing still its not moving and i donno how to make it move
I m not able to look beyond things.... everything has a sheer opaqueness....
The problem is "what is the problem!"...can u solve it? would u?
................................................................................................................................
...................................And the Arguement continues............................................
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6 comments:
Its just a phase and it will pass.
I just hope it passes quickly! Does it happen woth everyone or m i the only chosen one? i wonder...
You are goin thru what a friend of mine refers to as "Quarter life crisis"
The symptoms are presented below...
It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.
You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.
You look at wat ur studyin or ur job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.
Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure.
You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.
Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you are scared just to be a contender!
What you may not realize is that every one reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.
Nothing is constant.
Except change.
Keep playing the game !!!
i think i have found the problem and i will get thru it... hahah im happy atleast i know the problem now. :D. Introspection is a sure shot weapon!
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