Humpty dumpty....

College days were absolute fun days....

In my sixth semester the college happened to organize a national level fest in which many colleges from all over india participated. Our group also started preparing for a dance parody. We were a group of some 9 people and we had practised hard for the DDay.

Our parody started and there was a huge applaud and we were performing really well.... it was amazing.
We were depicting a love story and then a marriage..
We danced on koi mil gaya ...dekha jab se tumko dekha tumko yara... and similar peppy numbers and then came my favourite song..

Janu meri jaan.....
(lovely song.....eh!)
maien ter kurbaaan...
(kya mst song hei re....full enegry into dancing now)
mein tera tu meri jane....(now the to and fro swinging of the pairs started)
(i and shivaz were to move ahead and the pair besides us had to stepbackwards...
amazing sequence we kept on dancing admist claps from the audience..)

...saaaara hindustaaaan!

(another stanza and we werer into full swing .... )now again

mein tera tu meri jaaane.....
( and only shivaz went ahead),,,,,, oink!!
and i m on the stage...

(tding...tdong..... :D :D... Humpty dumpty had a great fall).
I was there on the stage....turtle down... and i saw everyone laughing and instead of feeling bad....i was also laughing and one of my dearest frnds who was stading just besides the stage said ... "abe bas ...ab khadi to ho ja..."

and i stood up...
it all happened in a frizzy....

and i started again

...... Saaara hindustaaaan...!!

Everything was over and due to the great fall... i had some swelling in food pipe (dont ask me the connection...i donno) and coldnt swallow anything for a week.

Now next day after the big event i was coming down from the stairs in my college campus and again "Humpty dumpty had a great falll..." :D:D ..... and Oink another moment i was sitting on the last stair of the staircase ...!

The third consecutive day i was getting down from the college bus and lo....."humpty dumpt....!"

Bas i wont write more.... enough of sarcasm..!!

What is the problem?

I donno what to do....

Even wid a crowd nowadays im alone....
I keep asking questions to me "WHY? what is disturbing you? what else do u want? are you not happy with things?"
but i get no answers....

I have screamewd on myself ..."Why the hell you dont utter anything?..." have been trying it for sometime but something tells me this wont work! :(

I tried introspection but i didnt let me survey my thought patterns..... my inner self threw me out of the gate before i could fill the questionnaire..
I m not able to look beyond things.... everything has a sheer opaqueness.... and believe me the curtain is quite heavy to lift. I have tried it myself and taken help of my friends but it falls back again....hiding everything ...it remains like a wall that i havnt been able to break!


I donno how to help myself ... can u help? can u take off this curtain or can u tell my soul to share things with me! can you? would u?

I feel like quitting everything .

Bcoz i donno one thing which is not going fine and still i donno what can give me happiness....if everything is alright then whats happening to me.

But the fact is that in the past one year there was not a single moment when i thought that im happy with what i have and whatever i am.
I am not happy with myself....
I m not feeling good ! ("everytime i say this, i tell myself to shut up but still i say it again..... my innerself forces me!" )

Something in me is missing ...WHAT IS IT !!

I donno y but im scared of life ..

Life has suddenly bcome very huge to handle ...

It was only yesterday that i was happy and i knew what will i do today, tomorrow, the next week and the next year...but now... my inner self has stopped reporting to me! He is trying to surpass me ... May be he wants to quit!

So! i feel like quitting? but quit what ?? LIFE!! i cant....i wont!

I m doing the best of work possible as i have never ever raised my expectations with myself.... but something in me says ...what the hell are you doing.?
Is this what you do to be happy? you stink...!

people tell me why dont u change the job? but i am not unhappy with it (well...even if they dont pay me so well... im fine with it).

Then quit what....??
I wanna change something but what and most importantly WHY?

do i like my wrk?
hmmmmm...no!

do i not like my work ? a bigger NO!

then what is it .... i want the answer but who can answer it... its only ME but how????

I wish some angel would appear and tell me what my problem is....

People suggest..... you should focus yourself. But focus where?
and i also donno a single thing which will giving me happiness
i donno what to do....
People say.... do an MBA! do MS!
but is this what it takes for me to be happy? "NO!"

Then what??
One of my friends said the golden words.....
"the problem is U donot have a problem "
I said "Its gr8 to know that i dont have a problem but then what is the problem?"
I am still waiting for an answer...

GOD....show me the light!

My life is standing still its not moving and i donno how to make it move
I m not able to look beyond things.... everything has a sheer opaqueness....


The problem is "what is the problem!"...can u solve it? would u?

................................................................................................................................

...................................And the Arguement continues............................................

.................................................................................................................................